A Walk Down The Aisle

One of the things that is common to most weddings s is budget. It doesn’t matter if you have a huge wedding bank account or really need to contain your costs, there is some idea you (or those helping you pay for your wedding) want to stay below. It just makes sense to have this threshold.

Obviously if that line is higher you have more options for venues, vendors, and decorations. Guest count can be greater as well. You have the flexibility to go ‘bigger’, ‘grander’, or however you envision your perfect day to be.

If you are working with a smaller budget, you have to be realistic and a bit more compromising, BUT your wedding can be the perfect day too! It just takes diligence and research to ensure you are getting the best vendor and best price.

I have seen the outcome a “we will save money regardless” attitude can yield. Going for the least expensive is not the way to choose your venue and vendors. Not only is there a good chance you will end up with someone who does not deliver the quality you want, but the stress of having to choose based on price alone can make the planning miserable for you. You want the opportunity to interview and then select a vendor based on professionalism, experience, reputation, customer service (huge!), and price.

So how do you keep within your wedding budget? Here are tips I give my couple’s as we start planning:

• Start with a realistic budget ceiling.
  
• Set aside a bit of that for a cushion for a ‘just in case’ item.
  
• Limit your guest list. Catering, bar, linens, rentals, and some venues are based on a per person price.
  
• If you are not finding the venue matching all of your criteria; modify your ‘must haves’ slightly.
  
• Go for an off Friday or Saturday wedding. Many venues and vendors will offer discounts for a non-prime wedding day. Summer months can get you discounts as well.
  
• Do your research on your vendors and negotiate with them. Many of the people I know in this industry try to be flexible in their packaging and will work with you.
  
• DYI…great way to save! If you can afford it, a professionally made floral centerpiece or some other creative designs are wonderful. If not, make them yourself. If I can do it, trust me you can too.
  
• We’ve all heard of job sharing, but perhaps not ‘bride sharing’. Ask your venue (or planner) if they know of another bride with your colors, decorations, or theme. Get onto bridal forums and ask as well. Many of the things we purchase for our wedding and reception are for that day only, why not share the cost with another couple and both of you use the non-perishable items.
  
• Enlist the help of friends and family members. If someone is a professional, photographer for example, perhaps he/she (will use he) will offer his services as a wedding gift or if he can’t do that, discount his fees. A caution here is make sure he is a professional or at least a very talented amateur…Uncle Joe may have the best intentions, but those intentions don’t always lead to the end product you want.
  
• Attend bridal shows. You can win gowns, photography, venue, planners and normally even if you don’t win you can find discounts on the things you want and need.
  
• Lastly think about hiring a planner. Weddings are what we do. We network with other businesses all the time so have established business relationships. Many times we can get discounts for you that you cannot get on your own.
  

The perception is that a planner is a luxury expense and in reality we probably can save you money. Obviously, I’d like to have you hire me, but regardless of whom you hire, have open two way communication and listen to the advice and suggestions before making your decision. You may be surprised at the money you can save!

Your wedding is one of the ‘big’ events in your life and the months before should be exciting and fun. Yes fun. Absolutely it will have stressful times where you both are ready to head to the court house without telling anyone, but that should only be for just a moment.

We all manage stress differently and when you know you are ready to blow… stop, breath, and step away from the computer, the phone and wedding magazines!

Just the other day I received a call from a fall bride who told me she was so stressed planning her wedding she was not eating, sleeping, and it was causing issues between the two of them.

My response? STOP stressing!!! Of course I gave her some suggestions on how to accomplish that no, or less anyway, stress state. Life is hard enough, but start planning your wedding and it is so hard to just remain calm!

So what can you do?

• Ask for help
• Know your budget
• Stick to your budget
• Be realistic with your guest count
• Give yourself time; there is no rush
• If you can, be flexible while picking your date
• Don’t make rash decisions or succumb to pressure
• Do your research
• While you are looking, have more than 1 choice for venue and vendors
• Make your “gotta have” list and go for those things first
• Make a to do list
• Prioritize your list
• Turn over tasks to others, forget about them for the moment, and check back later
• Take time to exercise
• Take time to relax
• Make ‘you two’ time a priority

I recommend these whether you are planning for yourself or are working with a planner. Obviously a planner will help with all of these and be your resource. Let us stress for you.

Above all remember to take care of your relationship. After all you two are the reason you are doing this in the first place, no one else. At the end of this journey the number of guests, how great the food was, or what you have as wedding favors really won’t matter…you two becoming one will!

With the exception of snow which came to Arizona a day later (yes even to parts of Phoenix!) we walked into a beautifully themed Winter Wonderland wedding and reception. The attention to detail started with the invitations and carried through to the gift cards waiting for each guest on the table.

The couple’s colors were white with red accents.

The bride carried a bouquet of red roses with small studs sparkling like snowflakes glistening in the sunlight. The bride’s brother carried two red roses and placed them on a chair of honor adorned with a red silk sash in memory of their mother who passed recently.

The bridal gown (gorgeous) white with small rhinestones sparkling as she moved. Her veil sheer and elegant. Bridesmaids and maid of honor in flowing floor length red gowns. The groom and his ‘guys’ all dressed sharply in tuxedos with red vests.

As the ceremony ended the guests were welcomed into the ballroom which was a celebration of their love, a celebration of winter and the holidays to come.

The linens on the tables and the chair covers pure, clean white with red chair sashes contrasting perfectly. The cake was tiered, white with red ribbon and small snowflakes (and delicious!).

Each guest received a thank you card folded in half. The front cut out in the shape of a snowflake and inside a snowflake cookie cutter and a recipe for making holiday cut out cookies! For the guests enjoying a glass of wine red gift bags with wine ornaments were placed on each table.

From this planner’s view point other than the gorgeous setting the things that stand out the most for me were when the weather, which as I mentioned was chilly for an Arizona afternoon, quickly changed and rain started falling just as the ceremony started. Always making sure the couple’s wishes are met, we asked what do you want to do and both replied ‘we are doing this!’ and proceeded into the rain showing the enthusiasm to have two become one!

The cocktail hour with DJs and Mariachis taking turns entertaining the guests, the last minute posed photos and then the grand entrance. The dinner was excellent and the cake well the taste matched the excellent presentation.

After the usual tosses and money dance, the floor was open for dancing…and yes they danced. Ending at midnight you would expect the good nights, but on to more celebration for this wonderful couple who I heard over and over were perfect together and a marriage that will last…congratulations to Erin and Tony!

It was an honor being a part of your wonderful day!

(Amazing cake provided by Fleur de Lis, gorgeous photos by The Pic Chick, beautiful flowers by Petals and Lucy, great music by the  DJs from G&R Entertainment  and ceremony/reception/wonderful food and service by The Embassy Suites North Phoenix.  All a pleasure to work with!)

Have you ever gone to a wedding or party where you thought WOW someone did a great job? Everyone had fun, the vendors were busy and knew exactly what to do when. Now how many times did you think this could have been better or even jumped in to assist yourself? People do not know where to go, meal is served late, items have disappeared during the ‘wedding day crazies’, vendors look scattered?

Ever wonder what it takes to get that smooth, flowing ceremony and reception? It takes coordination, planning, and most of all willing vendors!

If you are getting married perhaps you have wondered why venues and vendors alike have ‘preferred vendors’ or ‘vendors we like’. The answer for me (and most of those I know) is because these are the people we know we can count on.

As a planner, I am tasked with your day…I don’t play your music, chase you around for those perfect shots, or serve your food, but I am the coordinator to make sure those things happen, timing is right, everyone including vendors know what will happen next, and just overall ‘celebration management’.

I build my preferred vendors list based on reputation, quality, customer service, and very importantly how they work with others! Discounts offered to me that I always pass directly to my customers is great too, but next to service/quality playing nicely is huge.

We all have our job to do. We all have experience. We all have our ideas on the best way BUT I find the smoothest weddings are when each looks out for the interest of the others…to you and your guests we are 1 team.

Can I work with those not on my preferred list? Absolutely…do it all the time. This is a great opportunity to add to that list and sometimes unfortunately have to make a mental note of ‘no not that one’.

The ultimate goal regardless of what list or where you found them is to have 1 team working for you…like a perfectly choreographed dance.

When I started in my current senior level IT job, my 2 peers handed me 3 balls and a book on juggling. At first I thought these two are a bit odd, but soon their point hit me. Can I juggle? The answer, yes quite well.

In many professions and things we do in life juggling is a must to be successful. Wedding planning is one of those. Nothing comes at you single threaded. Wouldn’t that be great if it did? You could say so today I will work on DJs. Done? Yes, check. Ok now flowers. I know people who prefer it that way and I get it, but that is not reality for wedding planning. In fact, not reality for life or at least not my life.

Many of us have work, school, family, exercise, personal life, bills, grocery shopping and the dreaded house work just to name a few things that just don’t stop, take a number, and get in line. We can put them off, but with all of them we have to give them attention or suffer the consequences.

Planning a wedding includes so many ‘to do’ details from the very large like your venue to the little things like picking out your guest book. Many times each detail requires several vendor meetings, quotes, contracts and ultimately decisions and it is just overwhelming. Once you start the wedding planning it just takes off and you try to keep up!

As your day gets closer you have to double check and verify everything. Some of the things you are checking you did months ago. This is when the tasks and details that were hiding from you surface! They were lurking, yes lurking just waiting to pop out and yell SURPRISE! Just when you thought I’m almost done, you are at it again, but now your wedding day is almost here so delays are not an option!

So you are getting married, you are excited, you are ready to plan on your own…stop and ask yourself ‘Can I juggle’?

I cannot tell you how many times I hear ‘they seem kinda pricey’ when a couple is looking at vendors especially DJs and photographers. My thought is okay what is this based on? Just price shopping? What someone else paid? Just how did you determine the value is prices? Once I know the answers then I can help guide them to making an informed decision.

Just as with buying anything or hiring someone to work for you price, quality, and in the case of your wedding day – experience will vary. Less money, more money does not dictate quality. Years of experience doesn’t either.

The true things you should look for (if you have a planner they already have and know these businesses as well) are -

• Quality Customer service
  
• Price for what you will receive
  
• Customer service
  
• Reputation/references/reviews
  
• Customer service
  
• How do you ‘get along’ with them…fit your personality and style?
  
• Customer service
  

Can you tell where my focus is?

Your wedding is so important. Everyone who helps make your day is so important. While cost is a very important factor do not dismiss someone who starts at a $1300 when you have a quote for $850 from someone else. Also know a planner can often get you a better price based on quality business relationships…but that person has to be right for your wedding too.

So how do you decide?

Compare, research, interview them, and then take price into account; armed with as much information as you can you will pick the one right for you and your budget.

I don’t know about you, but logic says to me that if I have planned, if I have prepared the final days leading up to a trip, event, or something important in my life should be a breeze, BUT experience tells me not the case. Just the opposite happens.

It is almost time for my dream trip I have saved for, asked for friend’s experiences, have passport ready and SURPRISE a little “wreak havoc gremlin” knocks on my door and something goes wrong. Stress and maybe even panic ensue and I’m sent scrambling.

Your wedding and the last month or so leading up to it probably will not be different. I like to think of myself as a positive person and believe in the old adage the ‘glass is half full’, but I am a realist and if something can go wrong, it will. You are getting married and I was told a few years ago by a respected planner for a venue…it is a wedding, something will go wrong!

So what can you do to prepare during the final few weeks leading up to your wedding day? I like to think of the last 30 days as ‘The Countdown’. Here are some of the ways I would approach this time

• Make a to do list. I’m a big fan of list making. What needs to be done and what really does not matter, put whatever you think of on your list.
  
• Prioritize the items on your list. Tackle the “these have to be done no matter what” first. If you can multi-task, do. Just don’t take on too much to send you even further into stress overload!
  
• Ask for help! Anyone who knows me knows I like to be in control, but sometimes we just have to say…HELP!
  
• Check your vendor contracts…yes again. While we all strive to deliver the perfection, mistakes and misunderstandings can happen.
  
• Know your due dates for remaining items like final payments, head count, menu selection for catering.
  
• Weddings can be expensive, so try to have your money put away ahead of time if you can. That way you are not stressing to figure out how to pay for something. If you are able, pay ahead and then you have just one more thing crossed off that might stress you during ‘The Countdown’.
  
• If someone else is paying for your wedding or helping you, make sure everyone involved knows amounts and due dates.
  
• Call your vendors or if you are too busy, use email. Make sure you have contact numbers, timing for arrival/delivery etc. Make sure they have someone to contact (preferably not you for your wedding day). When I am planning a wedding I check, double check, and sometimes even restate the obvious so there are no misunderstandings. Some may think this is a bit excessive, but I strive for perfection for you and I’d rather have people wonder a bit rather than something be missed!
  
• Make sure your Plan B is in place. Weather, vendor emergencies, illness just normal life happens. Try to have your Plan B in place early and know your vendor plans as well.
  
• Your hotel reservation if you have one, limo service, ‘designated’ driver, and any help you need for your day should be confirmed (just like bullet 3, but you may be using a friend or family member to help with some of these).
  
• Start gathering ‘items’ you want with you for your wedding day and if you are heading for your honeymoon right after, those items too. Packing early really reduces last minute stress.
  
• Take time for you. Spend time with your fiancé too…don’t forget date night. This is so important right now. You have been immersed in wedding ‘stuff’ for months or maybe even longer, time for you two with no wedding plan discussion is very important.
  
• Don’t stop exercising whatever that might be for you. If you don’t exercise, go for a walk. This could be part of your date night. Walking in a beautiful park with your fiancé at dusk is so romantic and a good stress reliever.
  
• Schedule a massage the week before your wedding. Who doesn’t love a nice, relaxing massage? Same with a facial. Schedule it a week or so ahead of time just in case your skin reacts.
  
• Plan your day before your wedding day and your wedding day morning to be relaxing and fun. This is time with your close friends and family. Nails, massage, breakfast out are great ways to relax. Laughter and friendship are so important!
  

These suggestions may seem simple and very logical and really they are. Human nature is to forget about taking care of ourselves, we don’t like to ask for help, and some of us are just so busy with normal life we can’t do the final organization and details. Start earlier than 30 days if you are very busy. If you have a wedding planner helping you, most of these items will be handled for you with only a message of ‘I have this handled’ from your planner so you don’t have to worry or stress.

Remember this is a wedding and something will go wrong. I tell my couples, with me as your planner unless it is something totally out of my control (like the groomsman fainting on the altar last May), you shouldn’t know about it unless it is pretty funny and I tell you after your honeymoon.

Prepare, over prepare and finish early and then ‘The Countdown’ will be semi-stress free and just an exciting time in your life.

Close your eyes. Picture your wedding…what is the first image that comes to mind? For most of us, a beautiful, model pretty bride in the most gorgeous gown. We see beauty, elegance, and money! Pick up a wedding magazine…what do you see? Beauty, elegance, and money…

That may be you, but maybe not. Now this is not meant to depress you, but reality is we are not all models and really do have to keep to some semblance of a wedding budget. So can we have that beautiful dress and the look that takes his breath away? Absolutely!

So what can you do to make the hunt for the dress a pleasurable time? First thing, don’t take me with you…I hate shopping! I really do, but seriously you want to find a salon where you, the customer are what is important. Just like anything else, there are good and well, not so good places to shop. Strut in my opinion is a very good one to go to. Ann will guide you by asking questions to get to know who you are and what you like. She will want to know

Where are you getting married?

Why did you choose that venue?

What are your colors?

What is the groom wearing?

All of these are important factors in helping her to understand you and what you like. Pick up a few of the wedding magazines and cut out the pictures you like. Have you ever tried to help someone find something when they could not tell you or show you what it is or even get you close? Not easy…pictures really help.

If you are working with Ann, she will pull certain dresses based on your size, body shape and the look you want. A huge, huge, let me stress this again huge thing to ignore is the dress size. Wedding gowns are smaller than the normal size you wear. If you are a size 8 you may wear a 12. This has nothing to do with you and skipping the gym for that dinner out with your friends. Wedding dresses run small!

The dress you choose should flatter your shape whether an a-lined dress, or a natural waist to create a tiny waist or a dropped waist to give you an hour glass look. If you like glitzy, let her know. If simple, tell her. If it was me, it would be simple yet elegant…perhaps strapless. It is all about your style. What makes you feel pretty?

Cost has to be a consideration. What can you expect to pay for your dress? As with anything we buy, prices vary so call a store or check their website for a price range before visiting them. At Strut, most wedding dresses you can find will cost in the range of $800 to $1500. Ann also has a sale rack so be sure to check it for your perfect dress while there.

I know several brides who have ordered online and while tempting, not advisable. Yes you save money, but you are taking a chance. These are knock offs of the designer gowns and as with anything you buy off the internet if there is a problem you have to ship it back rather than walking into a store. If you have time and you are willing to take that chance, you may find the perfect dress for less money.

So how early do you want to shop for your dress? My thoughts are as early as you can. Ordering can take from 4 to 6 months and you want to take into account busy seasons. If you are getting married next March, know that you are not alone. Many manufacturers don’t have the larger sizes and deal with the ‘straight sizes’ which are up to size 12 so yours may be a special order. You want to factor Chinese New Year into your timeline since most manufacturers are in China and they shut down for a month during this celebration! Yes a month right at the beginning of the year!

Alterations – again busy season, you want your first fitting beginning of the year if you are a spring bride. If fall is your wedding time then a few months before is good. Here in Arizona, October, November and March are very busy wedding months so you can count on competing for the time of the seamstress with other brides.

You can expect to put about ½ down to order your dress with the balance due when you receive it. In our economy it is advisable to pay by credit card. Businesses do close and you want to have recourse to recover your deposit. You still need a dress to get married in and most budgets cannot handle losing money due to a product not being delivered.

Be a wise consumer, check vendor reviews, shop around and make sure your style, budget, and what you want is all being considered. Take your time, use your consultation to try on dresses and listen to the person helping you….you will know when you find YOUR DRESS. Then like those ladies from the magazines, with your hair and makeup professionally done and your perfect dress you will be model pretty!

I love this business because not only do I meet wonderful wedding professionals, but I get to learn more about the business and how to help my couples. A special thank you to Ann, from Strut Bridal for taking the time to ‘teach me’ a bit more about buying a dress. Although Strut caters to dress sizes 12 and up, she will do her best to help you if you are a smaller size. This fall they will begin carrying bridesmaid and social occasion dresses. They are located at 542 W. McDowell Road, Phoenix AZ 85003 and can be reached at (602) 252-4414. Strut Bridal Salon If you have not stopped by Strut before, call Ann, make an appointment you will be in great hands!

Weddings can be expensive. Even the smallest celebration has a monetary value. The budget threshold from “we can manage this” to “overflowing” is obviously an individual line and one that really needs to be determined BEFORE you start planning your wedding.

I was very fortunate to grow up in a household where money was not a concern. A huge reason it wasn’t was because my parents always budgeted and planned like it was. I try to do the same with my finances and it works.

How can you put that type of plan into ‘budget control’ for your wedding?

Start with a realistic budget ceiling. Regardless who is going to contribute, get a firm commitment (don’t pressure) on the amount and timeliness of that contribution. This is not the time for ‘I think’ I can because you may end up spending money that in reality they cannot give you.

Once you know how much you have to spend, personally I would set aside some of that as ‘wiggle room’ and lower my budget cap. That way you are not stressing if something causes you to go over – my rainy day analogy for your wedding budget.

Your guest list is huge in the cost of your wedding. Many venues, caterers, bar packages, and pastry chefs charge on a per person basis. Some require security onsite when your guest count exceeds a set number. Obviously the number of guests will affect the venue size, the number of tables and chairs, linens, party favors … you get the idea.

Make 3 lists before you start planning of what is important to you two as well as any parent wishes, customs, or traditions you want to be sure to include as part of your wedding day. I recommend a ‘Must Have’ list, ‘We really want this, but can live without list’, and finally a ‘If we have money left, let’s do this list’. Prioritizing will help you stay focused on the really important ‘Must Haves’.

Do your research on your vendors and negotiate with them. Many of the people I know in this industry try to be flexible in their packaging and will work with you.

Friday and Saturday evenings are popular wedding days for obvious reasons. Consider another day, morning or afternoon, or even off peak season if you have flexibility in your date. Many venues and vendors offer discounts for non-prime dates and times.

DYI…great way to save! I have to admit, my planning/analytical genes dominate the creative ones, but with some thought I can craft an amazing centerpiece that not only looks great, but was easy to make and not very expensive.

We’ve all heard of job sharing, but perhaps not ‘bride sharing’. Ask your venue (or planner) if they know of another bride with your colors, decorations, or theme. Get onto bridal forums and ask as well. Many of the things we purchase for our wedding and reception are for that day only, why not share the cost with another couple and both of you use the non-perishable items.

Enlist the help of friends and family members. If someone is a professional, photographer for example, perhaps he/she (will use he) will offer his services as a wedding gift or if he can’t do that, discount his fees. A caution here is make sure he is a professional or at least a very talented amateur…Uncle Joe may have the best intentions, but those intentions don’t always lead to the end product you want.

If you have time attend bridal shows. You can win gowns, photography, venue, planners…you name it. Great way to get ideas for your wedding and to meet some of the businesses. Also look for vendor contests/giveaways. As with anything, do your research (see my Too Good To Be True? blog).

Lastly think about hiring a planner. Weddings are what we do. We network with other businesses all the time so have established business relationships. Many times we can get discounts for you that you cannot get on your own. The perception is that a planner is a luxury expense and in reality we probably can save you money. Obviously, I’d like to have you hire me, but regardless of who you hire, have open two way communication and listen to the advice and suggestions before making your decision. You may be surprised at the money you can save!

The decision to hire a planner is obviously a personal one and many factors come into play with the decision.  Do you like details? Do you like research? Do you have time in your life or are you already busy with work, school, and having a life?

Budget is an important factor too, but not the way you might think. A  planner is not necessarily a luxury for only those with large budgets and actually is very important if you are on a tight budget.  Based on our business relationships, many times we can negotiate for discounts or already get them with venues and vendors which translates to savings to you!

There are several levels of service that most planners offer and  considering your wants, time, and the things mentioned above will help you decide what type of help you need.

Consultations (beyond the initial meeting) or ‘ask me anything’ This  is for the couple who may just want to talk to someone for a few hours to get any questions answered.  If offered by a planner, typically it is at an hourly rate.

Guidance – You want a resource for questions to get you started, referrals, and then a wrap up before your wedding to make sure you have it all under control.  You do the leg work and use the planner as your resource.  Your wedding day management is left to you.

Full Planning. Exactly what the name implies.  When you begin planning you have a partner working with you, but not just any partner.  You have someone in the wedding industry who knows how to research, negotiate, and make the details come together.   If you have questions, concerns, or are just getting overwhelmed, your planner is there for you.  The venue and vendor search and initial contact is handled, ideas for theme and décor are discussed, who do I call for what, what is the proper way to handle this … all questions your planner can field.   Your timeline is created, your rehearsal is managed for you, and on your wedding day you just worry about having the time of your life!

Day of Coordination. You have time and love to plan, but you do not want to worry about your day. This is the perfect package for you.  You handle the details, select your venue and vendors, pick your flowers, decorations, colors, and theme.   Every detail that goes into your wedding is done by you or someone helping you.  Your planner gets involved a month or so ahead of your wedding date to make sure your contracts are in order and you are  getting what service you think you are, she/he (will use she) directs your  rehearsal and then on your wedding day all the details, time line, and problems are handled for you.

My ‘Day of’ goes beyond just the normal 11th Hour.  I am available for emails and phone calls if you have a question while you are planning. If you are needing a referral, consider it done. If you call stressed out and just need to vent, I’ll meet you for coffee (and you don’t have to buy).

Venue Coordinator and Day of too? One thing I do hear a lot is my venue has a coordinator, why do I need a ‘Day of’ at an additional cost.  As with the decisions above, the answer is it depends on you.  It also depends on the venue, but some of the onsite coordinators are only responsible for the venue itself, others do more and will direct your rehearsal and ceremony.  If they provide onsite catering, someone will oversee the meal and bar  as well.   Typically from what I have experienced their responsibility stops at that point.  Who will do decorations beyond putting out your centerpieces? What happens if your florist doesn’t show or the DJ is late?  Who will handle problems?  You or your family will!

I have been told by onsite venue coordinators that they welcome outside  planners.  It makes their day easier and they can focus on the venue setup and food/bar service.  Personally I enjoy working with the catering managers and onsite coordinators.  They know what they have to do and it gets done and I can focus on the other details. Just another set of eyes/hands to make sure the day is amazing.

Planner or not? If you have not planned anything this important before, know that the options and choices can be overwhelming. I do this as a business and sometimes I get cross eyed from all the fine print and choices!

I was told once by a very experienced venue planner, it is not a wedding if at least 3 things don’t go wrong.   Are you prepared to handle a problem or two on your wedding day?

Planner or not?  What type of service do I want?  All depends on you.